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Passive-aggression - perhaps you've heard the
term but never really understood the concept?
For sure, you've encountered this aggravating behavior at home,
in the workplace, with those you love as well as just plain "difficult" people.
Overcoming Passive-Aggression: How to Stop Hidden Anger
from Spoiling Your Relationships, Career and Happiness is the first book to unravel
the anger lurking in men, women, children, employees, bosses, co-workers,
teachers, and students.
Each chapter explores new implications of hidden anger, from the
physical health consequences to the passive aggressor's problems
on the job, in a friendship, marriage or family. The book covers
how we even unwittingly enable people's anger to brew and affect
us. Key component here is how we respond!
So if someone you know dumps anger at your feet, read this book!
And if you feel the uncomfortable urge to control situations, if
you too often lapse into a dependent or depressed mode, or if you
tend to focus upon yourself to the exclusion of others - you need
to read this book also! It's never too late to rewrite your angry
script and stop any negative self-talk that casts a pall upon your
perspective.
Overcoming Passive-Aggression has received respected reviews and
endorsements in the psychological community, and it’s been the
subject of a two-page feature in Psychology Today titled “The Stealth
Saboteur” by Carlin Flora, who in her feature described this character
as “master of the ‘non-answer’ and the ‘innocent’ mistake.” You
can find this March/April 2006 feature archived online. Washington
Post reporter Mike Rosenwald interviewed Ms. Oberlin about how
one deals with passive-aggression in the workplace. Find this feature
online by visiting the private practice website of co-author Loriann
Oberlin, MS, LCPC using the link at the top of this page.
Gauge
Your Hidden Anger
- Was anger prohibited
in your home as a child?
- Do you smile when
you're truly frustrated?
- Are you ever intentionally
slow performing a request?
- When afraid to share
opinions, do you later resent things not going your way?
- Do you often feel
that problems you encounter are someone else's fault?
- Does the fear of rejection
prevent you from taking action?
- Do you yearn for more
freedom in a relationship but at the same time wish to be close?
If these questions intrigued you, there are plenty more in Overcoming
Passive Aggression: How to Stop Hidden Anger from Spoiling Your
Relationships, Career and Happiness.
Touch your childhood memories of anger and how it was - or was
not - handled properly. Figure out if you fall into one of the
four types of families where anger exists. Most every family has
met its share of frustrations. See if you have experienced the
ten traits of the angry child or the angry adult, and find out
how in- or out-of-sync you are with your mate. Take another quiz
to assess your on-the-job or in-the-classroom style. Hint:
It will reveal just how indirect or open and assertive you really
are!
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Hidden
Anger in the Workplace
The tenor of today's workplace has created stress, anxiety, and
yes…hidden anger that often manifests in passive-aggressive acts.
Whether you're the employee, the co-worker, or the boss, you've
certainly seen such behavior.
Tim Murphy, PhD and Loriann Hoff Oberlin, MS outline eight anger
types at work and in school, and how you might respond better to
each type. They are:
- The Backstabber - betrays, takes
credit for your work, sabotages, gossips
- The Avenger - gets mad….and gets
even
- The Controller - wields power, manipulates,
wrestles with anxiety
- The Cynic - suspicious, sarcastic,
negative, critical
- The Eeyore - passive, does no
more than necessary
- The Blamer - shirks responsibility
and rationalizes
- The Mute - uses silence to
ignore, avoid or deny; indecisive and purposely procrastinates
- The Star - self-centered and "special" -
the star has definite potential but can also be a workplace
problem; often sees others as competitors and displays little
to no empathy
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Hidden
Anger in the Family
If hidden anger affects one member of the family, it affects most
others, too. This applies to couples, extended families, and stepfamilies,
especially in times of great stress or transition, separation or
divorce, holiday celebrations or even special occasions.
In fact, the holidays are often so stressful that many experience
a degree of gift-wrapped antagonism - passive-aggression during
the holidays!
As in all facets of managing hidden anger, your reaction is of
paramount importance. You'll learn in Overcoming Passive-Aggression
what to do and what to steer clear of, so that you manage your
emotions instead of letting them - or someone else's emotions -
manage you.
When it comes to divorce, it's often necessary to identify your
own anger (because it's there all right) and sometimes to protect
yourself from a passive-aggressive ex. The authors explore this
angry bed of silent hostility and discuss how others involved in
the divorce process unknowingly enable anger to build, rather than
extinguish the embers of the angry divorce.
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About
the Authors
Overcoming Passive-Aggression: How to
Stop Hidden Anger from Spoiling Your Relationships,
Career and Happiness
Dr. Tim Murphy is a U. S. congressman and a psychologist with more
than 25 years clinical and private practice experience. Dr. Murphy
holds two adjunct associate professor positions at the University
of Pittsburgh where he also earned his PhD in 1979. After serving
in the Pennsylvania State Senate, Murphy was elected to the U.S.
Congress in 2002. He currently is the co-chair of the Congressional
Mental Health Caucus, co-chair of the Congressional Health Care
Caucus, and serves on the Committee on Energy and Commerce, where
he works on healthcare issues. In March 2005, the American Psychological
Association recognized Dr. Murphy for his outstanding leadership
on mental health issues. Dr. Murphy has been quoted in USA
Today, The Washington Post, Redbook, Parenting, among other
media. He's appeared on talk shows and news programs, including MSNBC,
Fox News, Focus on the Family, and the CBS Early Show.
Loriann Hoff Oberlin, MS, LCPC is an accomplished writer and author
contributing to major magazines and newspapers. She also works
as a therapist in private practice, in Montgomery County, Maryland. Her book Surviving Separation and Divorce,
written to encourage women, was released in its second edition
in 2005, and she co-wrote The Angry Child with Dr. Murphy
in 2001. Their book won the National Parenting Publications Gold
Award. Oberlin has written five other books, hundreds of articles,
and contributes a "Family Answers" column to regional
parenting publications. While working on this project, she pursued
her master's degree in clinical counseling at Johns Hopkins University
in Maryland. She's appeared on numerous radio and television news
and talk show segments, including the CNN Morning News and
Sally Jesse Raphael.
To learn more about this topic or work with Loriann in her private
practice Loriann Oberlin Counseling & Mediation, LLC, contact
her at the website listed at the top of this page www.loriannoberlin.com. The practice is located near
the Kentlands, in Montgomery County outside of Washington,
D.C. Ms. Oberlin offers
individual, couples and family counseling in addition to many groups
and educational opportunities.
The authors
welcome interviews and speaking engagements. Contact them through
their publisher Da Capo & Perseus Books Group (formerly Avalon/Marlowe).
Contact Lissa Warren, Senior Director of Publicity, at 617/252-5212
or by fax at 617/252-5265. You
may also contact the Perseus Books Group in New York at 212/340-8100.
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Table of Contents
Part 1 What
is Passive-Aggression and Why Is It So Bad?
Chap One Passive-Aggression
and Hidden Anger
Chap Two Understanding the Problems
Associated with Concealed Anger
Chap Three Childhood
Roots of Passive-Aggression
Part 2 Passive-Aggression
In Different Settings
Chap Four Coping with Hidden Anger
at Work and School
Chap Five Recognizing Hidden
Anger in Couples and Marriage
Chap Six Dealing with
Hidden Anger with Families
Chap Seven Facing
Hidden Anger in Fractured Relationships
Part 3 Solving the Hidden Anger Problem
Chap Eight Understanding Anger as a Deeper Disorder
Chap Nine Ending All Enabling
Chap Ten Rewriting Your Angry Script
Appendix
Research Regarding Passive-Aggression
Chapter Notes and Additional Resources
Acknowledgments
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